someone to listen

I just want someone to listen.
And somehow, that is ironic. Because when you walk down the street, there are people everywhere talking AND listening. It seems like everybody has someone who listens.

But… Do they really?

I remember telling my friend something, and she was watching me and nodded, obviously very interested in the topic. I remember that this topic was very important to me, so she gave me the feeling it would be important to her too.
But I just knew.
I knew after we talked, she would forget it in a heart beat. Because that’s just how people are, they pretend to care, but everyone has to deal with so much, that they can’t bother to think about problems of other people. I don’t blame her for that, I don’t blame anyone for that. After all, we’re just trying to get through this life in the easiest way possible, eh?

But because of that, I guess I just… stopped.
Stopped talking, I mean. Of course not completely, but I stopped talking about my problems. About what was bothering me. Because I knew, even if I talked about it, nobody would truly listen.

So I started listening. To other peoples problems, to what was bothering them, and suddenly I realised that all we all want is someone, anyone, to listen.
To really listen. To talk about their feelings, their deepest thoughts, and you will be surprised about all these great and still somehow frightening thoughts from the people around you.

And after listening to so many people, I just wished someone would listen to me. And I do have friends, I know I could talk to them, but I know if we talked, we wouldn’t be talking after that for maybe 3 to 4 days, and then just continued as if nothing ever happened.

But something did happen. I opened myself, I showed myself to them, vulnerable and broken, and just pretending that I’m not is so so wrong.
It’s hard to do the right thing.
It’s always hard, no matter what you do.

But if you want to make a difference, if you want to do the right thing;

You’ll have to start eventually. How so?

Well, you could start with listening.
Just. Listen.

You will be surprised how things will change.

xoxo Dreamer

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losing yourself

Have you met the person yet? Where you can fully be yourself, without overthinking everything, without being afraid that you do something wrong?
The person doesn’t have to be your partner in order to love them.
And I also don’t mean love them in a romantic way. You just love them as your best friend, as your soulmate, as the other half of you.
I have.
I called her my best friend.
But I don’t want to talk about the great friendship we had, but about how hard it was losing her. 
Have you ever lost someone, so important to you?
I must say, it was a really hard time.
Of course I missed to call her when something exciting happened, or to just talk to her about anything and everything till 5 in the morning, opening up to her to show her the real me.
But what I missed the most was the way she cared. The way she never let me go through anything if she wasn’t by my side.
This world is a cruel world, and it just felt so much better with a person standing next to you, who you know you could depend on.

So, have you ever lost someone like that?
And how did you handle it?
Actually, I don’t know how I handled it. I think my main motto was ‘time will heal you’ but actually, quite a long time passed, and I still feel so lonely it hurts.
Will I ever get over it?
I doubt it. I think I’ll just learn to live with the loss, or maybe someday someone will come and fill the hole.
But no one could ever replace her.
I didn’t love her in a romantic way, she was just part of my soul.
So when I lost her, I lost a part of me.
I lost myself.
And I know it will be hard to find myself again.
But I will manage it, right?
If you ever lose someone that important to you, remember:
Time will NOT heal anything. You will feel the same pain in a year after that, but you’ll manage to smile through the pain, because you learnt to live with it.
And you’re not alone.

xoxo Dreamer